I’m Meditating as Fast as I Can

When I’m not worrying about my Stage 4 cancer diagnosis, I can easily pendulum to a”get ‘er done” mindset.

I feel a need to hurry up with making a bucket list and to complete everything on the list. I imagine I should organize the photos, (which requires finding the photos first, and even developing some of them, I am ashamed to say), write long emotional letters to my sons, and make them all beautiful quilts to remember me by. And so much more.

Even when I sit for meditation, my mind wants to focus on all the things I should do. Perhaps that seems easier than facing the truth.

The truth is–I don’t have time or energy for any of those bucket list things while also living in the present moment. My days are filled with the ordinary busy-ness of three teen-aged boys, one with special needs, my medical treatments and appointments, meditation practice, writing, preparing nourishing meals and self-care.

I gently remind myself again, and then again, that being with what is happening right now is okay. More than okay. It is all there is.

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